Noise by Luke Boyd

September 2010

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		Birthdays
Sep 7 - Ryodin(34) Sep 7 - InternAndy(21) Sep 8 - kemcco(45)

[Paul Hughes]

Noise
by Luke Boyd

A doomsday prediction of one man's obsession of sound and sense.


http://www.silverthought.com/boyd01.html

[Peafant]

You know, I wasn't planning on reading all of it, once I saw the length of it, but here I am.  Your story flowed really nicely, and I really loved the realistic dialogue and the images that stuck in my head (like the one of Bill peeing uphill, and having it run back into his underwear, or the ending where the narrator is jabbing at his eardrums).  I think you did a fantastic job with this one.  i know it must have taken a lot of time and thought to create it.  I urge others to read this one...there are lots of good tidbits, and a great ending!!!   -Rob Crandall

[GC]

I loved "Noise." This is a strong, well-written story.  In my opinion, it is one of the best I've read on Silverthought.  Great job, Mr. Boyd.

Gayla

[CowboyLogic]

From the moment I started reading this story, I fought the urge to say "Piss on it!" and click the X.

I fought through a dozen reasons you provided to close the book and find something that wanted reading. I kept telling myself, this guy writes like a pro but this avant-guard entrance is just too much. Hurry up and get to the damn story.

I thought I made it until the repeated focus on sitting on the friggin toilet. I was beginning to salivate for the other stories so when I read: "Just in case you're wondering, this isn't really "headed somewhere" yet. So if you're thinking that way, just stop"

So I did.

[Luke]

Thanks to everyone for the reads, and I do really mean everyone!

CowboyLogic, I can see where your cirticism is quite founded. My style is certainly not as straight forward as many others' so is probably what you found irritating.

I can't be insulted by your statements, after all you read it through to the end and that's what my first goal as the writer is.

I guess all I can say to defend myself is that if you wanted to piss on it, you'd better not read any of my other stuff that gets posted--if you try to, you might need toilet paper next time!

In all seriousness though, I appreciate HONEST criticism as much as complements, so thanks.

See you on the toilet,

Luke

[CowboyLogic]

Thanks for taking my straight up comments as you should have Luke, I'm just in my reader's shoes when I review and want you to see honest feedback from a reader. As you can see from other critiques, your work gets high marks. I'm just one view.

As with any critique, if there is anything you can use from my feedback, it's a bonus and if you don't see anything that helps, punt it. Or piss on it if you will.

I mean no disrespect to the author by my critique, I recognise the talent and in this case it is simply the view of one struggling reader.

I would hope you scrape off any sugar when reviewing my work as well. I submit to this site to see what I am doing right and wrong so that I can adjust to be more readable and marketable. Some of my work has been raked well, so I took it to the clinic thread to have this great group help me work out the bugs.

High Regards my friend.

[SirLawrence]

This was the hook, line, and sinker for me:

Before you get too far into this you should know.

        You should know this isn't the kind of story where anything important happens, or where anything matters much.

        It's not the kind of story where a carload of cheerleaders go on a road trip and one-by-one meet gruesome fates. It's not the kind of story where two lonely singles lost in the bustle of city life find each other through some random accident—choking in an uptown restaurant our hero is revived by a no-nonsense waitress and single mother struggling to make ends meet.

        If you like stories where the characters remind you of yourself, give up now. Although you may be in here, you probably won't recognize yourself. This story is not a mirror or a window. Or an hourglass whose slipping sands are trickling away. It's not anything glass at all.

        If you are hoping this story will help to explain some messed-up facet of your own life, don't bother continuing. If you believe that everything happens for a reason, and that everyone has a purpose in life, stop reading right now and find something else to do. Cook someone dinner, or go buy a cat.

-------------

It prepared the reader from the beginning with not only a sharp, simple opening, but told me what to expect; only in the end we didn't know it would be.  That's a plus in my book, setting the stage for the reader in the first few paragraphs for what's to come.  The story even rode on its own without an excess of descriptive detail.

[Peafant]

Hi Luke, (again)  Well, I've read the rest, and "Noise" is by far my favorite!  It somehow seemed more honest than the other stories (including mine).  You have my vote for "readers choice" this time.  I really hope to read more of your stories soon...   -Rob Crandall 

[Luke]

Again, I appreciate all the reads and comments on "Noise". It excites me because if this story went over well, I have another one that I feel is better, but somewhat similar stylistically. I will talk to Paul about uploading it sometime--it's more like a novelette, so it's got some length.

I am pleasantly surprised by the quality of stuff I have been reading in the forum. I just joined recently and was instantly impressed by the first few stories I've read. It's a great tool for me because it urges me to hone and push my own craft further.

Thanks to all as both, the pen and the eye.

L

[elenapedigo]

I'm not sure I "liked" the story, since I had a hard time reading the description of what happened to the hero's face and ears, but I think you did an excellent job of building suspense, both with the opening passage and with little hints dropped during the course of the story, e.g., bringing up Robin before she actually appears.