Caught in the Windsong by Gayla Chaney

September 2010

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[Paul Hughes]

Caught in the Windsong
by Gayla Chaney

You can only see the neon lights of The Windsong Diner late at night when it's raining too hard to stay on the road and you're hungry for something you almost remember.


http://www.silverthought.com/chaney02.html

[SirLawrence]

This was definitely another favorite of mine.  I really liked this Gayla.  I see you were going for the same 2nd person POV style here but within that 1st person POV, similar to what you did with "Trust me?" - well, you know what I'm talking about; whenever I attempt it it turns out clunky, with areas of tense messed up.  But not here.

It was very poetic, you could even expand on this and turn it full circle into an Era piece.  It is speculative, in a sense.  But it has its mainstream or slipstream possibilities too.

A few pieces I've read by Ken Goldman were like this.  Distinct in style, with passing mention of such popular era things as Julie Andrews or a 1965 cover of Life Magazine.

Very well executed!

[Peafant]

Gayla,,   This is definitely my kind of story.  The thing I liked most about it was the overall feeling it gave me...it is that feeling that I strive for in my writing, but often miss the mark.  I'm glad that you brought the feeling back to me.  I really loved it, but I'm not sure that I understood the ending (why was he terrified of the next two customers?)  Also, I wanted it to go on a bit longer, which is a good sign because I like short stories.  Anyway, it was neat and well done.  I'm going to search for your name in the archives, and you have my vote so far for reader's choice.  -Rob Crandall

[GC]

Thanks Lawrence & Rob.  I appreciate your feedback.  Lawrence, I haven't read Ken Goldman's work, but I will look for it.  Yes, I agree, it is a bit like "Trust Me?" except not as concisely focused.

Rob, I think the ending does need more clarification about the narrator's fear.  I'll probably re-work it.  I was hoping to create a surreal sense of hauntedness.

Thanks, guys, for your input.

Gayla

[Peafant]

Well, Gayla,   I've read them all, and you still get my vote for reader's choice.  There was just something about your story that I really loved!  -Rob Crandall

[MikefromQueens]

  Gayla -- this was hard-boiled, yet very Twilight Zone too. It definitely put across a mood. I liked it, and wanted to read more. -- Mike from Queens

[CowboyLogic]

This is a classic route 66 - twilight zone story.

Gayla, this was powerful and earthy. I could smell the old grease and cigarette smoke. My only disconnect was the serviceable eggs and slightly grey sausage links while the rest of the breakfast fare was grey... This could have worked either way, with fresh food to cook or with putred food, but who cares.

The story was golden, but I sure hope the end hook is a hint for more to come because you left me hanging with the dread over the couple coming in, then they arrive and the story ends.

I found myself looking for the next page. Damn.

Great plot Gayla

[GC]

Mike from Queens, Rob, and Roger - thanks for reading.  Maybe I'll follow this up with what happened in the Windsong Cafe back in 1965...when I figure out what did happen. 

[Dudgeon]

I really liked this piece too, Gayla.  There was a definite sense of unresolved mystery at the end.  But if "surreal hauntedness" was your goal, I think you achieved it nicely 

[TheKenster]

Great read, Gayla. It had a twilight zone or x-filish feel to it. Maybe a little more explanation of how she was stuck there and why she left. But if you were going for heavy mystery in this one, it has that for sure! And I don't mind one bit a story that makes me do the assumptions! Kudos!

Kenster

[GC]

Thanks Ken and Dudgeon for your remarks and for reading.  I'm working on a follow-up story to explain what's gone wrong at The Windsong.  Maybe it has something to do with all that gray sausage and curdled milk! 

Gayla