Return to the Windsong by Gayla Chaney

September 2010

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Sep 14 - lutzr(42)

[Paul Hughes]

Return to the Windsong
by Gayla Chaney

Historical records indicate a killing spree occurred over fifty years ago in The Windsong Cafe. The past cannot be changed... or can it?


http://www.silverthought.com/chaney03.html

[Peafant]

HI Gayla,,  I enjoyed the new twist on the old story!  Cool idea (dopamine addicts)  That was neat how you showed the story from a completely different viewpoint.  We kind of got to watch it unfold as if we were the aliens.  I would have liked the diner seen to have gone on a bit longer.       A fun read!  --Rob Crandall

[SirLawrence]

Hey, Gayla.  This is the only story I've gotten to read so far.  Enjoyed it.  Not as much as the original Windsong.  But I did like it.

There were some areas that I noticed could be made more "fluid" though.  The original Windsong carried you away (the prose was light and atmospheric). 

Here is an example from the opening sentence:

wasn't meant to happen like that," the self-christened Nikolai said, shaking his head as he reviewed the archived, yellowed newspaper carrying the story of The Windsong Diner murders. "We must go back."

The self-christened Nikolai (just my two cents, mind you; overall an enjoyable read) shaking is head as he reviewed the archived, yellowed newspaper carrying the story of the Windsong Diner murders could have been made to read more like:

Nikolai said, shaking his head as he reviewed the yellowed (or yellow-colored) archived newspaper, which carried the story of the Windsong Diner murders. 

Self-christened could have been revealed a few paragraphs later when you give more description of the character.

For example: Nikolai was a self-christened man. 

But like I said, overall good.  And Rob is right, a decent new twist on last update's story.

Lawrence

P.S.: Gayla, you have flash fiction appearing in the new issue of Brilliant Quarterly besides fellow ST authors Jens Rushing and Edward Rodosek.

[Peafant]

oops....meant to write "scene", not "seen"  --Rob

[GC]

Thanks, Rob and Lawrence, for reading and for your comments.
The diner scene probably did end a little too abruptly, Rob. Good call. And Lawrence, I agree that the "self-christened" should be omitted and explained later. And thanks for catching the "yellow" instead of "yellowed."  - Incidentally, I liked your story, "Jupiter's Child" on the SF Story of the Day. -- Good site!