is a serial killer living next door
" Fred had tried to
His half asleep wife Hilda replied.
said there is a serial killer living next door."
back to sleep," Hilda had whined revealing her distinct lack
of teeth as she scowled at him. "You are bloody hopeless you
are!" She then had added entirely for good measure.
yawned and had looked at the digital clock- 3:03 it proudly flashed.
on his dressing down and his cozy slippers he had slowly meandered
downstairs to pour him self a tall glass of milk and longingly taken
beats the taste of cold milk,' he had thought as he finished
the last of it.
was then he noticed it- his neighbor's light on
is bloody well up to something that light is always on late at night,'
he had pondered before returning to his warm bed and cold wife,
and back to her obnoxious continual snoring.
had laid there for a moment examining his wife. He stared, almost
hypnotized, at the large mole that had sprouted from her chin several
years before trying to count how many black stubbly hairs were forcing
themselves free from it.
blooming years sleeping next to this,' he had moaned under his breath
as he finally drifted back off to slumber
* * *
following night Fred had suddenly awoken again and as he always
did he stared at the clock; 2:52.
am going to bloody catch him!" He abruptly said out loud rather
surprised at the sudden adrenalin which was racing through his system.
all at once had sat upright.
She sneered in her usual screeching voice as her piggy eyes condemned
him further. "You couldn't catch a flipping cold on a winter's
morning if you were sitting on your fat arse naked in the bloody
back yard on a gigantic ice cube-bloody useless you are."
then had returned her chubby red bloated face to her pillow and
in under a minute she had resumed the obnoxious snoring.
got up and once more donned his dressing gown and slippers. Moments
later as he was finishing his nightly glass of milk he saw that
his neighbors light, yet again, was once more on. Feeling peculiarly
empowered he marched out of his front door quite taken aback at
his own vigor. He swaggered up to his neighbor's door and pounded
furiously on it.
know what your bloody doing in there!" He hollered.
light was quickly extinguished.
Fred was undeterred and rapped even harder on the door and yelled
you don't open the door right now I am calling the police."
apparently did the trick as within a few moments the door opened
revealing his neighbor standing there in a long white overcoat and
rubber gloves. Fred noticed to his satisfaction that red stains
liberally adorned his neighbor's outfit.
two men simply looked at each other for a few long uncomfortable
Then Fred proceeded by pushing through past the doorway,
through the corridor and on in to the kitchen his neighbor at his
saw it sitting on the counter, big silver and impressive; an industrial
sausage machine. Right next to the wonderful contraption it he saw
what looked like the remains of a human left foot.
had spoken first.
have got a proposition for you
" he had whispered leaning
into his neighbor.
* * *
week later Fred awoke, he felt invigorated
.He looked at the
he peered satisfied at the empty space beside him and grinned as
he whispered out loud
think I'll have sausages again for breakfast