by Henrick Glutonlumps
forum: Starlight
speculative fiction for the internet generation.

......... ....... ..... ..



           What a way to spend my fortieth birthday, Sam thought as he stared at the flashing calendar on the bottom of his screen - March 7th 2134. He stretched awkwardly in his pilot seat, still, I have got to pay the bills, and when I arrive back on Earth in six days, boy will there be a party! Blitz, his beloved catog licks the back of his hand reassuringly.( It had been a stroke of genius when he had cloned his last dog and cat into one perfect pet after there death s, and this was going to be the first of a long succession of identical Blitz s.)

           Where did life go wrong? Blitz lovingly looked up at his beloved master, as if comprehending every word.

           Forty years old and still driving a goddamn intergalactic transporter, this was not the plan I had in mind growing up I was going to be someone.


           Sam examined the co-ordinates and seems satisfied. The first delivery stop will be in less than an hour, to the planet Duzzel. He always liked the Duzzies; they were such a friendly race. He remembered being back at the academy as a young boy learning all about them. When Earth began expanding into the universe under the pretense of manifest destiny they had invaded dozens of small neighboring planets and Duzzel was one of the first. Their lovely small planet, had been apparently so beautiful, covered in blue trees and purple flowers and quickly turned it into a galactic toxic dump. The Duzzies had simply smiled, and welcomed them enthusiastically.

           He set the controls to auto command, just time for a micro-nap Blitz he mused sleepily.

           An hour later Sam s seat vibrated him gently awake and he checked his monitor. Good he thought as he sees the grey planet quickly approaching, just on schedule.

           He made radio contact; English had long since been the intergalactic official language.

           This is Sam Farnaby asking permission to dock.

           There was much excitement at the other end of the receiver as he could hear cheering and clapping.

           Those Duzzies are just so darn nice, Earth could learn a lot from them. He thought cheerfully.

           A few minutes later the thousand ton cargo ship was docking at the distribution centre in Garup the capital of the small planet Duzzel. This was an exciting time for his employee as these were the first deliveries of the company s new product. For years there had only been one beer available in the Universe, having long brought up all of the competition. Duzzel had been a great market to capture, five years ago they did not even know what alcohol was, and now they were some of the biggest drinkers in the known universe. Gallons of the frothy liquid were eagerly consumed by the average Duzzie each week. Just as the beautiful landscape began to transform so too were the Duzzies

           Sam suddenly got alarmed by the sight, and he brought his transporter to a sudden halt. Surely something was wrong, terribly wrong. A small army of Duzzies were descending on his ship, grasping a variety of tools, and they were hissing uncontrollably with their flabby nostrils flared. There usual smiling faces were gone, replaced by ugly snarls and grimaces.

           Oh my God! Sam realized they are acting like drunken Earthlings hooligans.

           The Duzzies seemed to be enjoying there destructive spree, gleefully demolishing the ship, seemingly just for the sport in it. As they began singing songs that suspiciously sounded like English rugby ones, they started unloading the cases of beer from the ship, cases and cases of the company s new beer- Starlight!


The end.




copyright 2005 Henrick Glutonlumps.

Henrick Glutonlumps:
I have been writing stories for as long as I can remember.