The Flawless Murder
by Henrick Glutonlumps
forum: The Flawless Murder
speculative fiction for the internet generation.

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The Flawless Murder


        "Have you ever had a thought spark in your mind, a small notion… But that notion was so very powerful that you nurtured it, and before you knew where you knew where you were that tiny, stray notion flourished. That notion soon transformed into an inspiring powerful idea. An idea that you continually pondered, played about it, and manipulated until before you know it, it became the greatest obsession that you have ever experienced. Well, that is precisely what happened to me… I was just eleven; it was on a very usual sunny school day when the thought struck me… How would I perform a flawless murder?

        "I suspect that you might think me a little odd. That is quite understandable. But please allow me a few moments to explain myself a little further. Trust me; I think that you will find my plan particularly interesting.

        "I concluded that there were several distinct aspects to performing the flawless murder. The first of these would be the weapon utilized. I would want it to be relatively simple, fail-proof, and impact enough shock factors to my chosen. You see, the murder could not possibly be considered to be flawless unless I could see that moment of intense fear in my chosen's eyes. I decided after much thought, and I confess with some experimentation, that garroting is quite an impressive technique to employ. Well, think about it. It is a rather slow process, and I have found that if I perform it correctly, the whole procedure can be stretched out to a wonderful almost seventeen agonizing minutes… The victim is completely unable to scream, however hard that they try, and yet can still watch the whole splendid act unfold. There is none of the messiness involved in other approaches (I confess that the sight of blood makes me rather queasy, being of a rather delicate position).

        "The next aspect of the flawless murder would be timing. I have found that it is far more exhilarating to catch the chosen one completely off guard. It is quite a delight when, in the middle of a usual, often dull, routine that they discover that they have been selected. Again, in my experiments, I have caught people when they truly did not expect it. I still chuckle at the look upon their faces just before I struck.

        "Naturally the second most important person involved in the murder would be the chosen one themselves. The countless, nameless victims that I practiced on I do not include in this. They were simply insignificant nobodies, who only found transcendent greatness by being in the wrong place at the right time. No, the perfect chosen one would be somebody that I have fantasized about killing for years… Well, since I was eleven, as a matter of fact.

        "Can you think back to being aged eleven yourself? Do you remember one break time when you laughed and joked with your young, popular friends…? I bet you don't even remember me, do you…? Sitting there watching you as I overflowed with envy. I wanted so very much to be popular also, please understand. So I finally plucked up all the courage that I could muster, walked over and shyly said hello… And you all laughed at me, then you began to point at me, and call me those horrid names. I simply turned and ran. I bet you don't even remember… I bet that I was just one of many… But I have never ever forgotten.

        "There is one final aspect of the perfect murder. There would be no point in killing my chosen one unless they knew precisely why… Well, now you do.

        "Why don't you turn around and look behind you…? Surprise!"

        The shaking hands of the young, inexperienced police officer placed the letter he had just read out loud into a plastic baggie.

        "I don't suppose we will find any evidence on this," he said, shaking his head.

        He once more looked at the limp, lifeless figure lying over his computer keyboard.

        "The murderer was right, you know," he said. "The poor sod had no idea what hit him…"

The end.




copyright 2006 Henrick Glutonlumps.

Henrick Glutonlumps is perhaps the ugliest, meanest little man you could ever have the unfortune to encounter. He does however arguably have one redeeming quality... He writes short stories.