Steed made his way down the bustling Seattle main street, to yet
another imposing platinum building, and quickly left the hot outside
for the cool perfectly controlled temperature of its lobby.
I help you, sir?" came a hoity-toity smug voice.
looked up to spy a menacingly tall gentleman dressed in a black
tuxedo and sporting a particularly fetching platinum bow tie,
perched on a podium, looking down his exceedingly long nose at
him. Trevor felt the sweat under his armpits beginning to build
up, and was glad that he had doubled up on his deodorant three
I am here for dinner, of course," Trevor triumphantly announced
a few moments later, regaining some of his composure.
am afraid that we only take reservations," the man Trevor
supposed to be the maitre d' said as a wicked grin permutated
over his disturbingly thin lips.
I do indeed have a reservation," Trevor replied as he attempted
to flash an equally wicked grin back. However, as Trevor's lips
were particularly full and some might say shapely, his expression
appeared rather more saucy than menacing.
do? Heavens to Betsy, what is the world coming to? What is your
name is Trevor Steed," Trevor said, sensing victory.
maitre d' simultaneously rolled his eyes and yawned. Then, resigning
himself, he began to scroll through the reservation book.
yes, I remember you now
You kept calling daily for a reservation,
so I finally gave in and made one for you
. Two years in
advance. Party of one."
looked over his right shoulder and made a peculiar hand gesture.
This at once prompted a particularly attractive lady of undeterminable
age dressed in what Trevor considered to be a French maid costume
to scurry towards him. Trevor made a mental note to remember the
hand gesture the maitre d' had signaled provoking such a prompt
will you kindly guide Mr. Steed to our special table? You know,
the one we save for guests of his particular caliber, if you will
be so gracious."
me please, sir," she said as she set off into the elaborate
dining room. Trevor followed, finding it hard to match her pace.
sped through the dining room, consisting of dozens upon dozens
of neatly manicured tables all neatly wrapped in platinum colored
table cloths. At the tables sat impeccably dressed diners sipping
from oversized platinum goblets and gorging themselves using platinum
silverware. Trevor glanced above him to see brilliantly sparkling
platinum chandeliers hanging from the platinum ceiling. He looked
up to the side as he continued to speed by, and watched and listened
to a small string quintet playing an interpretation of "The
Twilight Zone" in three-four time.
still they went.
there," Fifi lied as she swiftly led him from the main dining
area through an oversized pair of double swinging doors.
later, he was ushered past what Trevor could only assume was the
employee lounge where various geeky looking people sat about sipping
cups of coffee and fervently debating the literary merit of this
week's menu update.
still they went.
continued past the kitchens where short men speaking in a peculiar
language agitatedly spoke as they furiously prepared food.
Trevor realized at once
"It is typical that Philip
Maison would use undocumented workers from south of the border."
Fifi stopped and directed Trevor to a small battered table next
to a trash compactor. The grimy table had nothing upon it besides
a plastic set of utensils, which seemed, judging by the stains
on them, to have been already used at least once.
sit down," Fifi commanded in a tone of voice Trevor felt
compelled to obey.
somewhat exhausted from the unexpected exertion of walking to
the table, eased into the chair, which he soon realized was especially
wobbly. Stabilizing himself on the grubby table, his sweaty hands
encountered a strangely colored sticky substance.
considered getting up and leaving, yet the review he had once
read written by the highly acclaimed world famous restaurant food
critique Marcus Fond repeated in his mind.
the world famous eatery simply known as the Platinum-Notion Brasserie,
the cuisine is lovingly prepared by a skilled array of epicurean
masters. Dining there is definitely going to change your perception
for evermore of how you comprehend the act of consumption.'
quickly darted off, leaving Trevor to contend with his sticky
hands. He was just having a horrible notion of what might have
caused the horrible mess when a sharp coughing sound prompted
him to look up
next to him there was a short man dressed in a tuxedo that had
obviously been originally designed for a taller man, but had been
shabbily altered to fit the man's more diminutive frame. This
meant that the rise in his trousers fell somewhere between his
knees and his waist, and that the top button of the jacket landed
just below his belly button.
name is Henry Glutton. Please forgive me
I am normally the
dishwasher here, but they asked me to wait on you. Would you care
to hear the specials? We have a lovely prix fixe menu tonight
for just two-hundred and fifty dollars
cleared his throat and continued in a voice that rather reminded
Trevor of Vincent Price playing the Abominable Dr. Phibes.
start with, we have a delicious soup prepared by D.S.Griffin.
He refuses to say what the main ingredient is
it is very fresh. I have had the pleasure of trying the soup myself,
and can attest to its full, rich flavor. Although some of the
seasoning seemed a little off, but Philippe Maison, our beloved
founder, fixed that before serving any of our paying guests. Philippe
makes all the food is correctly seasoned before sending it out
You would be surprised what silly errors some of our chefs make
But I , as I so often do, digress. The soup itself is a lovely
deep crimson red color.
we shall be privileged to serve you Harold Dagwood's special salad.
It is truly an out-of-this-world experience, I must say. All very
imaginably tossed seemingly effortlessly together
boggles my mind how often Harold Dagwood invents a new salad,
he sometimes devises several recipes in a week. All of them are
fantastic, with persistently a few surprising ingredients tossed
in for good measure. He always has such colorful, memorable names
for his salads. Only last week he presented us with a salad sublimely
called "I want my radish back!" which contained eight
varieties of radishes all expertly chopped and tossed with a delectable
vinaigrette. Harold has his recipes featured in various restaurants
all over the world.
are in for a very special treat tonight, if you opt for this meal,
as the main entrée is prepared by the genius hands of none
other than Philippe Maison himself. Philippe's entrée's
are always so profoundly flavored on so many levels. Its perfectly
thought out taste will linger on for hours in your mind, and you
shall replay eating it often in your mind's eye. His seasoning
is faultless. Truly if you have not experienced one of Philippe
Maison's sublime creations, you are truly missing out.
this evening is prepared by the renowned short-order chef Ozanne
Bois-mort. What Ozanne, has crafted today is a potent and powerful
pudding. A pudding guaranteed to pack a punch. Pack a punch with
its surprise aftertaste; an aftertaste that lingers. Ozanne's
dessert will assault all of your senses. Its presentation will
play with your eyes, its smell will loft up your lucky nostrils,
you will hear its crisp outer texture snap invitingly as you venture
into its soft, velvety, inviting chocolate center with your spoon
and then finally you will experience the incomparable delight
of tasting it
Ozanne's desserts were recently served at
we have a incredibly special after dinner drink for you to finish
the wondrous gastronomic bounty preceding it. Our own proprietary
blend of absinthe concocted after years of experimentation by
the very talented Jorge. The first sip will surely catch you off
guard and perhaps even softly lull you into a false sense of security.
The second sip will tantalize you, and make your glass almost
beg you to consume more. By the third sip, confusion will be entering
But now your compulsion to drain the glass down
your eager throat will be overpowering. And as you do finish the
extraordinary last drops, a surprise will rise up to meet you
from your very own soul beyond your wildest of dreams
are you ready for the full Platinum-Notion dining experience?"
pulled from his pocket an old leather purse, and clicked it open
and peered inside.
I have is ten dollars. What can I get for that?"
waiter smiled as he answered.
guess, Mr. Steed, tonight you will be enjoying another house specialty
A healthy portion of humble pie