by David S. Grant

To achieve fame, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

D I S C U S S I O N  F O R U M  |  R E T U R N  T O  S T  O N L I N E




To achieve fame, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Be creative, and things will happen for you. The guidance received from my supposed role models: teachers and parents. Guidance counselors. Out of work actors on career day.

As a kid, my name John Balesteros was always shortened to JB, so when it came time for me to start my career as a porno star, it seemed fitting to go with Jizzy Box as my stage name. That's where I'm at now, a dynamite porn name with no heat.

Not so long ago you could break into the business with a signature move. Perform it in your premier movie and what follows is credibility, contracts. Fame. Now, there isn't anything new; it has all been done. Now, we recycle.

Drunk Vampires is the same as the Alligator Fuckhouse: While you're inside the girl, each begin biting hard into the other's neck while rolling around. Other recycled moves: Snowballing, Felching, the Rusty Trombone.

My first movie was with Baby Cox, called "Wet Times at Ridgemont High." Sales in the beginning were bleak to say the least. Then it came to me. Fame wasn't just going to come to me. No, I would have to take matters to into my own hands. Ever notice how sales increase once someone creative dies? I would murder Baby Cox and hope this leads to interest in our movie.

A Cincinnati Bowtie is really the same as Johnny the Penguin. Reverse titty fuck a girl, leaving your balls hanging on her neck. Other recycled moves: The Angry Pilot, The Cleveland Steamer, The Dump Truck.

Ninety-five percent of all murders are solved with DNA evidence, the other five, guilt. The DNA angle I obviously beat. The next day Baby and I shot another scene, and I followed her home. As she approached her door I came up from behind and slammed her with a busted up piece of brick. That's all it took, one blow and she was dead. Sure, the detectives were there that night asking me questions, but in the end, either I was one step ahead of the cops, or no one wanted to believe a murder could be linked to DVD sales. Luckily no one checked the sales, or they would have seen "Wet Times" climbing into the number one adult movie spot for three weeks straight.

The Alabama Hot Pocket is the Dirty Suzy. Shit inside a girl's vagina, then fuck her. Also: The Donkey Punch, Angry Dragon, Reverse Cowgirl.

How much fame is enough? What comes after fame? Legend status is what I'm told. To obtain legendary status you need to be creative. This is what I remember from career day.

Sandy Box starred in my second movie, "A Box Affair." Unfortunately for Sandy, she never lived to see the premiere.

The cops, getting closer, but it's hard when your pubic hairs were rubbing all day, all over the victim, and then convince a jury there's motive.

After two murders, it's impossible not to feel the heat.

By my third movie, it was difficult to find someone to work with me. Known as the Widower in the industry, it took a lot of courage for Pearl Bottom to star opposite me in "Under the Bridges of Orange County." It took even more courage after our shoot, later that night in her apartment when she unknowingly swallowed sulfuric acid.

"Under the Bridge," another hit, another mystery. I was on every newspaper, television station. The focus of every gossip blog. Message boards across the country discussed me. Each actress I had worked with was deceased, yet I was still working. I needed to work. It's what they would have wanted, is what I say.

To crossover from fame to legendary status, timing is everything.

The next day I'm taping "The Hot, The Young, and The Horny" with Connie Cans when the police show up during a scene. Propped up on a desk, I have Connie panting as I thrust inside. When the cops walk over to the director and ask him to stop rolling, there is a warrant for my arrest. This is my time. That's when I present my move, non-recycled, for the rest of the world to duplicate and make their own.

At this moment I unveil my move: I twist my hand, one, two, three fingers until my whole fist is in Connie's pussy, searching. I pull out my hand, displaying a tiny revolver. I lean to the right, ensuring the camera man has the correct angle. I put then gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. I call it the Detroit Special.

To achieve legendary status, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Be creative. This is what I learned on career day.







Copyright © 2007 David S. Grant

A B O U T   T H E   A U T H O R:

David S. Grant is the author of Corporate Porn and upcoming books Bleach and Blackout through Silverthought Press. For more information on his writing, please visit:

--  O N L I N E  |  F O R U M  |  P R I N T --